Marcy’s story about her falling out with her mother really struck home with me.

I recently had a similar blow out with my younger brother. The context was very similar. He felt insecure about not being able to afford to come to my wedding, then reflected his rage into hurtful words about me and my wife.

He got beyond pissed. I was angry too. We almost came to blows. I haven’t spoken to him since and it’s been a few months.

I did reach out to him in the form of a 7-page letter a week after the argument. Whether he received it or not, I have no idea.

I get sparse updates about him from my mom and older brother, and from what I’ve heard he’s not in a good place overall in his life. He’s angry, moody, and continues to push people away. None of us really know or understand how to help. This hurts me most of all.

The lesson I’ve learned from this is that everybody deals with things in their own way and in their own time. Even if we forgive, we still may have to live with the truth that the other person, someone we deeply care about, may take a long time, or possibly, may never come around to want to talk about what’s really bothering them. It’s sad to watch someone isolate themselves, on a path to become the next Marcy much later on in life. I know he’s on it now and there’s not much I can do about it at this point.

I suppose it comes down to a choice between regret and pain, or a combination of the two. Both bitter pills to swallow and difficult to live with.